By Stephen Propst
Living with bipolar can be a challenge. Staying on top of it requires continuous vigilance — along with faith and hope.
It’s hard to believe that “Mind Over Mood” has been around for 10 years, appearing in every issue of bp Magazine except the first. Equally unbelievable is my just turning 50! I never thought my column would be around this long (and there have been times when I questioned whether or not I would). After all, dealing with the ups and downs of bipolar can be overwhelming.
Thinking about this publication’s 10th anniversary—and my 50th—has given me cause to pause and look back before going forth. In studying the past, I can’t ignore the heavy toll bipolar has taken: managing all the medications, fighting just to make it through the day, not having a regular full-time career, struggling with suicidal thoughts, dealing with feelings of despair, and on and on. I’ve been fired from jobs, frustrated with family or friends (and they with me!), and fed up with life. Sometimes I’m surprised I’ve made it this far.
Having bipolar disorder has, at times, broken my spirit, ripped away at my self-confidence, and drastically detoured my life. It’s affected everything from my self-esteem to my sanity. I’ve often questioned who I am and where I’m headed. My life has frequently been defined by misguided thinking, misspoken words, and mistaken actions. If you or a loved one lives with bipolar, you know how much chaos and confusion this condition entails.
But in spite of how troubling, taxing, and tiring bipolar can be, I’ve tried my best to be patient and persistent in managing it. I’ve repeatedly reminded myself, “I can hang in there, if only until tomorrow.” I try to continually reevaluate what I can and cannot handle, rethink my goals, and reorganize my priorities. (On a bad day, just getting out of bed might be the only goal I reach, but that’s okay.)
Although I’ve actively lived with bipolar for almost 30 years now, I realize that staying on top of it requires continuous vigilance. Managing mood changes has become part of the fabric of my life. When a deep depression or a manic moment takes hold, I do my best to hang in there and maintain control. And I’m past the shame of reaching out for help when needed.
While living with bipolar is often as challenging as ever, my mind-set has gradually changed for the better. I look at each episode as an opportunity to ask, “Based on this experience, how can I better equip and empower myself for the future?” Over time, I’ve become more skilled at surviving a depressive phase, more adept at minimizing a period of mania, more familiar with what triggers mood swings, and more consistent in maintaining a sleep schedule.
Bipolar continues to challenge me, but it doesn’t define me. Despite ripping away at my core, it hasn’t destroyed me. I’ve worked hard to rekindle broken friendships, right past wrongs, and focus on realizing once-abandoned dreams. I regularly review what helps and what hurts my recovery.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that it is my faith in God, above all, that sustains me and gives me a reason to live. The hope for a better tomorrow gives me added incentive to keep going. And the love of family and friends provides an essential element: encouragement.
I want to thank all of you for joining me on my journey over these past 10 years. I’m grateful for the ongoing opportunity to share my thoughts and ideas. I encourage you to take time to look back and learn from your past. Doing so prepares you to go forth with a healthier, more balanced perspective, which is what putting mind over mood is all about.
Used by permission.