By Stephen Propst
Sharing and then respecting each other’s boundaries is a good way to begin the process of turning back to one another, not away.
In the 30+ years I’ve lived with bipolar—and worked with countless others who do—I’ve found that people are more prone to back away or out of our lives. Similarly, we may find ourselves separating from meaningful relationships or forfeiting friendships with those who could be supporting us most.
This twofold problem makes battling bipolar more baffling. Distancing from family and friends creates stress and pain for everyone involved, no matter who initiates what.
It’s time to stop making excuses and start offering explanations for what’s happening. Here are five factors worth considering:
Bothersome Behavior
I know that what I sometimes do or say can be upsetting to others. Whether it’s acting impulsively, speaking insensitively, or being irritating in general, the problem is real and can cause friends and family to back away.
It’s common for people living with bipolar to be unaware (initially, at least) when inappropriate behavior occurs. Later, we frequently feel intense remorse over what we’ve said or done. Taking time to discuss how to distinguish genuine symptoms from intentional conduct can help all parties coexist more peacefully.
Problematic Plans
It’s often hard for us to make plans, especially longer-range ones, with any degree of confidence. On many occasions I end up lacking enough “get-up-and-go” when it’s time to get up and go. Disturbed sleep and deep depression can sabotage our strength, sometimes to the point of exhaustion.
It’s important to establish expectations when making a commitment. As others learn that managing our mood swings can diminish our energy and endurance, they’ll (hopefully) be more understanding when we have to (unfortunately) back out.
Twisted Thoughts
Bipolar can play havoc with your thinking. When I’m in a manic phase, my thoughts can run wild. While I may interact with others effortlessly and form relationships easily, I’m also more apt to be offensive. After such an episode subsides, I sometimes realize that my state of mind led to regrettable missteps.
This scenario can cause people to become uncomfortable or to cut off communication completely. But if we’re willing to accept responsibility and make amends where possible, such people may be amenable to rethinking the situation, reconsidering their response, and reconnecting with us.
Shrinking Self-Worth
Dealing with low self-esteem has been especially challenging for me; unfortunately, this often causes me to distance myself from people. Furthermore, when you don’t properly value yourself, you may believe that others devalue you too!
Although I still struggle with my self-image, two decades of therapy has produced some positive results and taught me some important lessons. For example, the more open and transparent I am about my situation, the more likely others are to bolster my self-confidence and be there for me.
Withering Wherewithal
Whether or not you have bipolar, there will always be some friends and family members who are more supportive than others. Some people simply lack the disposition or the desire to deal with our unpredictability; they may grow weary or give up on us altogether. That’s not a criticism; it’s a reality: some relationships just aren’t meant to be.
That said, never give up hope. A rich friendship with a particular person may not be possible, but a casual connection might. Improbable doesn’t have to mean impossible!
During a symptomatic phase, we can behave in unreliable, unpredictable, and sometimes unrelenting ways. While such inclinations may be unintentional, they can keep others more than an arm’s length away. When loved ones misinterpret or misunderstand the situation, the problem is magnified.
We all have our limits. Sharing and then respecting each other’s boundaries is a good way to begin the process of turning back to one another, not away. Doing so can improve and enrich life for everyone!
Used by permission.